5 years on YouTube

I don't how to start this, but I've been posting videos on YouTube for 5 years now. It went by so fast! I remember when I first started posting covers on YouTube. I was that 13 years old girl that has been watching covers and wanted to make my own. I didn't know anything about video or audio editing. I just took out my camera and sang. I was excited to get tons of good reviews and was ready to be praised. I wanted to be successful and have tons of subscribers. But I've been hit with reality. I wasn't one of those people who got tons of subscribers or got good comments and tons of likes. In fact, I've got bashed with haters. I was able to get a lot of views but they weren't for a good reason. 

During my first year of YouTube, I was pretty much told to die, disappear, and I was told that I can't sing and I sounded like crap which was sort of true. During that time, I was depressed like heck. I told my close friends and family about it and they just told me to ignore and that I was a good singer(liar!). Since most of the viewers were Japanese, I got tons of hate from them and it just made me hate Japanese people. To be honest back then, I had no idea what I was doing wrong. It took me forever to realize that I was singing the wrong types of songs. The type of songs that I was singing were more mainstream J-pop which the fans are more aggressive and probably don't have a life. So I ended up transitioning from mainstream j-pop to idol music. Of course it made me lose a lot of views but I was more happy because I didn't get as much hate and I enjoyed listening to idols especially Hello Project. 

Now let's move on to the subscriber and views. Like I said, getting a lot of views didn't mean I was getting more subscribers. It actually took me 2 years just to get 100 subscribers on my first channel. When I was reached 100, I was just so happy. Normally a lot of people can reach that many amount of subscribers in around a few months to a year so I was one of the slower people. But after half a year I reached 100 subscribers, I decided to move channels. I got 2 covers deleted which led me to have 2 strikes. I figured that it's more safer to move channels. Also, I just wanted to have a new start. I didn't want to delete my covers that pretty much got all the hate comments because I'm one of those people who can't throw things away. Anyways, I had a pretty good start on my 2nd channel. But as time went by, I didn't get as much views as I started with or any comments or likes. Again, I started getting more dislikes. It made me wonder why again. And I still don't know why. I started to come up with excuses about how I've "improved" and such. It just made me mad that I get bashed for something that I spend weeks on just to perfect as much as I can. It was understandable how I got hate comments in my earlier videos because I was lazy about them and I sung songs I learned just that day. But this is one thing I know now, it's the internet. It doesn't matter if you're good singer or not. You get bashed either way. 

Lastly, I want to talk about the feeling of having to rush. Obviously, I've been making covers on YouTube for 5 years now. And on my current channel, I only have 34 subscribers. Looking at other YouTubers channels and those who I've talked to before, they have more subscribers than I do. Also more and more newer people who are covering anime/j-pop are coming by and rapidly getting subscribers. It made me think that I have to get more subscribers now or else as soon as I know it, it's going to be 10 years without many views or subscribers. It also just makes me think that I have to get more recognized just because I've been doing this for a long time. I know making these types of videos won't get you to be one of the top YouTubers; what I mean is that I just want at least 5 likes and all that. Having even just that makes me really happy because they're not 5 dislikes. Also there were times that I was jealous of the newer people having more subscribers, views and comments. My thoughts were "why isn't that me?" "I'm not that bad, am I?"

In conclusion, I've had a lot of ups and downs on YouTube. I wanted to talk so much more such as making friends and being in groupdubs. I honestly don't feel like I explained my experience very well. But to end this post, I did not write this so everyone will feel bad for me or to be thought as a complainer.  I wrote this because I wanted to share my experience and for those who want to start their own channel to know that it's hard to get to the top and to be prepared for the haters out there. For anyone who actually read this, thank you so much because if I didn't write this, I would not even bother to look at it.