Breaks give me more time to think

Today is the last day of winter break which I am very sad about because I don't want to go back to school. Onto the main topic, I've realized how during these kinds of longer breaks give me more time to think about things I usually don't when I have school. So for the past few days, I've been thinking about why I haven't been to a Hey! Say! JUMP concert despite being a fan for a fairly long time. Looking up at the past tour dates and watching their older concert DVDs, it just makes me wonder why something that someone who lives in Japan can do as soon as they become a fan(or more easily than I can) is taking so long for myself. 

One of the answers I came up was I hesitate. Ever since I was little, I had a hard time speaking up. So I ended up not telling my parents things I actually wanted until years later. Another reason is I tend to overthink about everything. I start thinking about what my parents will say and how they would feel when they go to a place where I wanted to go to. So in the end, I just have a hard time telling people what I want to do because I would feel like I'm selfish. 

My second answer is how I just hoped I would be able to go to Japan when there's a concert. The problem with that is how concerts(well at least some concerts tours) tend to be around the holidays or when there isn't school. As I got older, plane tickets became more expensive so I usually went around the cheapest time so early in the summer or around Thanksgiving Break. There actually was a time when I was able to go to Japan when there was a HSJ concert. Sadly I wasn't able to go because the trip was planned around a month before and you have to get tickets as soon as the concert tour is announced. This made me have some regrets. I thought to myself "maybe if I told my parents as soon as I saw the dates, I've would've actually gone" or "If I actually planned to go to Japan for it, I would've not have any regrets". But at the time, I was young and I just thought I can go next time. Obviously that still hasn't happened. 

In conclusion, it's basically my fault for hesitating and not taking the opportunity that was given to me. The reason I decided to write this post was because after seeing someone's post who just became a fan around last year saying how they went to the Countdown concert had me wondering what I'm doing with my life. It made me wonder what I have been doing for the past 7 years. It also made me wonder why I just gave up just because I stopped going to Japan for a period of time. Finally, I feel like this post made me sound like a spoiled brat haha. It's just that I felt kind of upset about this for a while. Also to end this, I'm thankful for the fact I can go to Japan. I don't go every year but I have an opportunity to do something so many people are dreaming of. Also a lesson is if you have a dream, go for it. Whether if it's going to a concert or becoming something, don't give up. Don't be like me who just hesitates just because you're with your family or friends who aren't interested in the things you like.